A Deadly Cancer

I met Leslie back in 2001 through a Las Madres Playgroup.  My son Miles and her daughter Maia were the only two July babies.  Leslie was kind of like me, an “older” mom of a baby.  We spent a lot of time together through playgroup activities or small group gatherings at each other’s homes.  Leslie introduced my son Miles to iced water, which he still loves to drink, and Havarti cheese.  We would walk the Almaden Lake trail with other moms pushing strollers. 

We even took a baby swim class together with friends from playgroup.  Leslie was fun to be around and Miles enjoyed playing with Maia.  You always knew where you stood with Leslie.  She wasn’t afraid to tell it like it was.

Leslie began having some strange symptoms like constant itching.  She visited doctors to find out what was going on. She was hospitalized with what they thought was pancreatitis.  I remember Leslie’s mom later telling me that the doctors had told her “it was all in her head”.  Leslie knew something was wrong and kept pushing the doctors to find out what was going on. 

Meanwhile, Leslie and husband Knud were building their dream house up near Sacramento near an airfield.  Knud had a small airplane and the family enjoyed flying.  It was a beautiful home complete with a garage for the airplane. 

Then came the diagnosis.  Leslie had pancreatic cancer.  From what I knew of this cancer, it rarely left survivors.  I remember my stomach feeling upset, knowing my friend may not live through this.  In 2005 Leslie went through some cancer treatments and she and Knud moved from San Jose to their dream home.  Things seemed hopeful.  Our family stopped by for a visit on the way back from Reno that May. 

Leslie seemed thinner and more tired, but was fighting the cancer hard.  Over the next year, many of us saw Leslie periodically when she was in town. 

Our family also visited her early in the summer of 2006 and then again in July for Maia’s 5^th birthday party.  Leslie had finished more chemo, was taking a break from it and things looked really good.  She was also planning a big 50^th birthday for her husband Knud.  Some of the other ladies and I would check in with her by e-mail and phone after she moved. 

Then came the e-mail that changed everything.  In September, her cancer treatment was canceled because of an abnormal blood test.  Something was going wrong in the liver. 

A few weeks later in early October, I was with my son Miles at a toy store, when Carolyn, our playgroup leader called.  She was letting us know that Leslie did not have much time left.  The cancer had returned with a vengeance.  I know I was crying in the store and my son knew something was wrong.

We organized a group of gals to go up and visit Leslie right away while she could still enjoy company.  While we were there, Maia asked her mother why she was all orange.  Leslie, being Leslie, answered with a smile on her face, “Mommy’s ready for Halloween!”  How she could be so strong for her young daughter amazed me. 

A few other people were able to visit Leslie that October.

In early November of 2006, Knud called to let us know that she was gone.  Leslie was only 47, leaving behind her husband, five-year-old daughter Maia, her mother Ruth, a brother John and sister Jackie.  Many people attended the funeral.  Elaine, our friend from playgroup sang a beautiful solo for Leslie.

A few months later in early 2007, we got notice of a walk up in Napa County for pancreatic cancer through an organization called PanCAN or the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network, which Leslie had been involved with before her death.  A bunch of us from the playgroup decided to start “Team Leslie” and walk in memory of our friend.  It was the start of a yearly tradition. 

My dad told me that his mother Elva Cozean had also died from pancreatic cancer in 1968.  I was little at the time and did not remember her.  She was in her 80’s, so I just assumed she died from old age.  I discovered that the survival rate for this type of cancer had not really improved since my grandmother’s death.  This was very disturbing to me.  While progress was being made with the survival rates for other types of cancer, pancreatic cancer was still very deadly.  It is difficult to diagnose the cancer early enough for treatment to work.  Most people diagnosed usually died within months.  Leslie fought for about 2 1/2 years. 

This will be our 5^th year walking out of the six years since Leslie died.  Knud and Maia have joined us too, and this year, more of Leslie’s family will be walking. A lot has happened since then our first walk.  The world has lost some famous names to pancreatic cancer: Patrick Swayze, Pavarotti, and Steve Jobs.  Neither fame nor fortune could spare them from this cancer.

PanCAN’s “Walk Through the Vineyard” event has grown steadily each year.  It was even relocated to a larger vineyard in order to accommodate more participants.  This organization has made great gains lobbying for more research money and awareness of this cancer.  They provide support for pancreatic cancer sufferers and their families.  Because of PanCAN, a few more people each year will survive.  We’re going to keep walking and raising money to fight pancreatic cancer.

Praise the Lord or Pass the Loot

PTL!

Those from the Charlotte area know first-hand what those letters mean, or meant. There was a couple of evangelists on a television show called The PTL Television Network. Jim and Tammy Faye. Remember when those t-shirts were popular around Charlotte, the “I ran into Tammy Faye at the mall”. It was a plain shirt with what appeared to be rubbed-off make-up in the image of a woman’s face. Tammy Faye Bakker wore a lot of make-up and cried a lot on tv. The network was just taking off when we moved to Charlotte. Years later, the group bought a large piece of land down in Fort Mill, South Carolina, just over the border from North Carolina. The plan was to build a massive resort with a shopping mall and amusement park. Their television show would be broadcast by satellite from here as well. This new location was called Heritage USA. Their ministry was a great success and pulled in millions of dollars. Anytime you tuned in to the show, they were asking for money. Send in your money and good things will happen to you. Some teased that PTL stood for Pass the Loot. I’m sure the ministry did do some good, but their use of wealth was troublesome. I remember going to see fabulous fireworks there on the 4^th of July. The Christmas lights were something to see too. You could drive through the property and see such bright colorful lights all around you. I couldn’t help but wonder how much money was being spent on those lights and the electricity for them night after night. Shouldn’t that money have been used to help people in need instead? To make a long story short, there ended up being a huge scandal involving money, taxes, and a woman. PTL fell and fell hard. Jim and Tammy Faye divorced and Jim went to prison for a while. (Tammy Faye died from cancer in 2007). Jim Bakker discovered the truth of the Bible while in prison. He realized he had led many people away from the true gospel. Jim Bakker remarried and is back at evangelism apparently. While PTL was a massive turn-off to Christianity for me in its glory days, the bigger picture can now be seen. Anyone can sin, and sin big time. No one is immune to the temptations of money, fame, sex, power, prestige, etc. God used PTL to expose false teachings and destroyed its empire. It took being in prison for Bakker to come to terms with what he had done and to seek God’s forgiveness. The Bible teaches that when you confess your sins (admit what you did wrong), and turn completely away from those sins (stop doing them), that you will be forgiven. What Jesus did on the cross makes that possible. And when we put our faith and trust in Him, He helps us to walk on the right path. Bakker has been forgiven by God, and given a second chance to tell the good news of the gospel. If someone like Jim Bakker can be forgiven and restored by God, then so can we.  And that is good news.

Babies Babies Babies

In the past few months there have been lots of babies being born to family and friends, and families in our church. Children are a blessing. They are a miracle. These little tiny perfectly formed people. It seems like a given. You get married and then have kids. But sometimes it’s not that easy.

We got married later than many couples. I was 34 and Nate was almost 31. I was never worried about the baby thing until I hit 35. That seems to be the age where your chances of conceiving start to get slimmer. We were trying, but nothing was happening. Month after month was a letdown. People would ask me was I pregnant yet. I sadly replied no. When I turned 35, I decided to take charge and be more proactive about getting pregnant. We saw a fertility specialist who did some tests and suggested an IUI. It’s a pretty simple procedure. We did a couple of those and then added fertility drugs. I was sure that would work and maybe even get us twins. Nope. Nothing. We made the decision to try IVF. In Vitro is the test tube thing, or I guess petri dish. This would work. It had to. We found a great clinic with a great reputation and results. The doctors at the clinic said because of my age, our chances of having a baby with the IVF process was about 25-35 percent. I had to take birth control pills to manipulate my cycle. I felt crabby most of the time from these. Next came the daily hormone shots into my leg. Toward the end of that I just couldn’t do it anymore and made my wonderful husband give me the shots. Then came the day we were waiting for. It was early September. Harvest time! The procedure was somewhat uncomfortable, but had to be done. The doctor would then work on fertilizing the eggs in the lab. He thought an ICSI process would be our best bet considering our odds. That’s when a single sperm is injected into an egg. It’s faster than waiting for a little sperm to find its way around in the petri dish. We would return in a few days and I would be implanted with an embryo or two depending on how many we had. The night before the scheduled implantation, the doctor called and said they had to do a rescue ICSI for one of the cells. We still felt that things were going just fine. The next morning we were so excited and happy. This was really going to happen. I was going to go to the clinic and get pregnant!

But it was not to be. As we were getting ready to leave for the clinic, the doctor called and told us the cells had stopped dividing. There was no embryo. There was nothing to implant. It was devastating and depressing. We took a trip to Hawaii to attend the wedding of some good friends. It was nice to get away from our situation and celebrate with them, but the fact remained that there would be no baby for us. Maybe this was how women who miscarried felt. Even though no baby had been inside of me, there was such a feeling of grief and loss. The doctor then told us that because of the failed IVF our chances of conceiving with assistance was now about 15 percent. What a kick in the gut. My eggs were getting old and were poor quality. We could try another IVF in a few months if we wanted to. We would think about it. We also considered adoption.

A couple of months later, I was feeling kind of strange. We had not yet started on a second round of IVF. My sister was in town for a visit. Just for the hell of it, I thought I’d take a home pregnancy test. I still had some tests in my drawer. No way! Positive? How could that be? We went and bought a different brand test and I took it. That one was also positive! I called the IVF clinic to ask them if I could possibly still have hormones in my body from the IVF that would give a positive result on a pregnancy test. They said probably not and for me to come in and get a blood test. They would be able to tell from the numbers whether or not I was pregnant. We stopped by the clinic on the way to the airport to drop off my sister for her flight back to Charlotte. She was as excited as I was about a possible baby. She wanted a little niece or nephew. The clinic called after she got on the plane and said the numbers indicated that something was definitely growing in me! How in the world did this happen I wondered. We were pregnant. The clinic seemed to think that perhaps my system was off, and that by going through the IVF process, it had straightened out. Hmm, okay.

In July of 2001, our miracle baby Miles was born. He came into the world breech, and has insisted on doing things his way ever since. I later reflected about how faithful God had been through everything. We had really wanted a baby. We had done all these things to make it happen, but failed. It was a huge reminder that He is in control of everything. He was in control of my fertility, not me. God wanted to bless us with children, but on His terms and in His timing so that the glory would go to him not to us or the doctors.

　

Fire the Nanny!

California is becoming what some call a “nanny state”. Now, a nanny is typically someone that a parent trusts to care for their children while they are at work, etc. What if that nanny decided that you are a lousy parent and took over your parenting duties and decisions? I suppose some would be okay with that. I’m sure not. We had both our boys dedicated to God at church. That’s when you stand up in front of the congregation and promise to bring your child up to know the Lord and to follow His guidance for raising those children. Sounds simple enough. In today’s world, it can be pretty difficult to do it, especially when you have a group of lawmakers that believe they know better how to raise your child. These folks have worked hard to take away your right to make decisions for your own children.

As we rang in 2012, a new law came into being in CA. A child as young as 12 can go get a HPV shot during school hours without your consent and without your knowledge. Happy New Year! This is your 12-year-old middle-school child. Your daughter or son can go get testing or treatment for STD’ s and even an abortion if they’d like. You’ll never be told a thing. The school authorities can even excuse your child from school to get these services. It’s 5^th period. Do you know where your child is? Is she even at school or somewhere else having an abortion? Is he getting a vaccine? The health care provider who gives your child a HPV shot or performs an abortion is not allowed to tell the parent without the minor‘s consent. Huh? Your child is not allowed to have medications like ritalin or an inhaler at school without a doctor’s prescription, yet they can leave school to have an abortion? At our school, I had to get our doctor to fax a note giving permission for my son to take Tums during the school day. What if your son (yep, that shot is now being pushed on little boys) has a bad reaction to the HPV shot? That vaccine can have some pretty bad side effects. According to the Merck website you should not use this vaccine if you have a severe allergic reaction to yeast, amorphous aluminum hydroxyphosphate sulfate, or polysorbate 80. Your child could faint or have seizures. If your daughter is on the pill, a risk of deep vein blood clots can occur. Other problems have been reported (even deaths), although the FDA will not link them to the vaccine.   There are lots of reports out there on the web about more of these side effects.

Your son or daughter cannot drive a car until atleast the age of 16, and then with restrictions, but the state of California gives your child the right to let someone inject them with a substance that could harm them. They need to get 3 of these shots for it to be effective against some forms of the virus. These cost about $120 a pop times 3. I don’t know who is paying for these when your child gets one, but Merck sure can make a lot of money from this vaccine with friends in all the right places. And without your knowledge. Rick Perry wanted to force all Texas school girls to get the HPV vaccine.

Since January 1 in CA, your teenager is no longer allowed to buy cough medicine with dextromethorphan in it without a prescription from a doctor. Gosh, he might get high from it. And those groovy electronic cigarettes? Can’t be sold to minors. And sorry kids, no more tanning beds for you until you are 18. It’s the law and the state must protect you from skin cancer. The drinking age nationwide is 21. But if your child has a drinking problem or a drug problem, they can get treatment without your knowledge or permission. Those treating your child are not allowed to disclose any information to parents without your child’s permission. All this sounds so upside down to me. Who is the parent here?

Now California children as young as 5 must learn about Harvey Milk thanks to SB 572. If you don’t know who he is, Google him. The school doesn’t need your permission to teach your child about his life and values. They don’t have to tell you when the celebration of Harvey Milk will take place in the school. It could be during a block of time in May. Does a first or second grader really need to learn about a man who preyed upon teenaged boys? I believe Milk was friends with Jim Jones of the Guyana kool-aid massacre. Some of you may remember that travesty. I sure do. Milk even wrote a letter to President Carter praising Jones’ character. The state lawmakers are telling the schools who your child should admire. Teachers are not allowed to speak negatively about these people even if it goes against their faith. If you have a “confused” child, he or she can seek counseling without your knowledge. Just who is this counselor and what are their qualifications? Will they attempt to steer your child in one direction or the other? You’ll never know.

All these new laws allowing children and teens to make decisions about their sexual health through the public schools should not be happening. Children should be at school to learn reading, writing and math. They should be learning how to play instruments and sing. Many of these decisions, they are not mature enough to make on their own. Shoot, they aren’t allowed to vote in any elections until 18. Instead of coming to you the parent, they can get advice from people whose values and beliefs might be questionable. Does a young girl really understand what she’s doing when she gets an abortion at 14? Does a boy realize that he can avoid HPV and other diseases by making the choice of abstinence, and not one of experimentation? Children and teens DO listen to their parents advice when they are told the truth about things that could harm them.

Here is a site that explains all the rights your child now has and that you no longer have in California. Parents need to be aware of this. I can certainly understand why so many families out here homeschool their children. They’ve decided to let the nanny go.
http://www.teenhealthlaw.org/

Judo and the Middle-aged Woman

with Fukuda Shihan

I started learning judo shortly before I turned 41. I didn’t even know the sport existed before my friend Lori brought a DVD to bunco one night. Her husband and family were opening a dojo (judo school) in downtown San Jose. I had just lost a bunch of baby weight and was looking for a way to get back in shape. I thought it looked fun so decided to give it a try. Lori decided to take the judo classes with me. I wanted my oldest son Miles to start judo in the kids class. At 3 ½, he was unwilling to wear the gi jacket. By age 4 though, he was ready to give it a try.

I’ve never been very athletic or graceful. My sister Cathy can tell you I was a lousy softball player, basketball player, soccer player etc. She tried to help me and spent a lot of time working with me. Cathy was the athletic one and did well at softball and soccer. I guess I didn’t get that gene. Dance and step aerobic classes were a nightmare. If the instructor called to go left, I’d go right. My sense of direction has much to be desired. I call it being directionally impaired. I have arthritis in my right knee. Some of the throws and drills are tough for me. Our sensei has been great showing me how to modify things so that I’m able to do them without being in pain. He’s helped many of his students work around injuries and weaknesses to reach their personal potentials. Sensei Lorne has also encouraged his students to help each other, which has made our dojo a comfortable place for anyone to learn judo at their own pace.  I have a great doctor who helps me manage the knee pain.

Lori and me

I’ve been the oldest female practicing at our dojo. For a while, I thought I must be crazy to be learning this at my age. Most of the other students in my class have been much younger. Then I went to a Kata tournament. Kata is a demonstration of the formal techniques in judo. There were many older women there, women who were black belts. Maybe I wasn’t so crazy for wanting to practice judo. I learned about Fukuda Sensei, who was in her mid-nineties then. She was the highest ranking woman in judo, 9^th degree at the time. (She’s now 10^th dan). Fukuda was a pioneer in women’s judo and had a women’s dojo in San Francisco. She has sponsored the annual Kata tournaments for many years as well as an annual judo camp for women.

Our friend John had started going up to Soko Joshi to learn kata, as he recovered from knee surgery. He told us about the kata clinics that were held there once a month. A group of us went up for a clinic one Saturday to learn Goshin Jutsu, a self-defense kata. Men and women were allowed to attend these clinics. We got to meet Fukuda Sensei which was such an honor. She’s also the only living student of Jigoro Kano, the founder of judo. The instructors at Soko Joshi are all high-ranking black belt women. Those women have inspired me and encouraged me to do better and keep at it. We have attended many clinics at Soko Joshi over the past few years. My partner Andrew and I received direct instruction from Fukuda Sensei during a recent Ju-no-kata clinic. Fukuda wrote the book on Ju-no-kata. We happily repeated our technique for her, until it was the way she wanted it to be. I was so nervous, but so grateful for her invaluable critiquing.

Learning the different katas has helped me see judo in a different way. It’s not just a sport or exercise. It’s a way of using another person’s motion to help you throw them. It’s a series of actions and reactions. It’s flowing, and efficient. It’s helped my balance, my posture, and of course strengthened many muscles. I feel lucky to be getting such excellent instruction and support from Silicon Valley Judo in San Jose, and Soko Joshi in San Francisco. We’ve also had Sensei Elaine, from another dojo, graciously come to our dojo every Tuesday night to work with us on kata techniques.

I would like to join the ranks of those black-belt women and someday have my black belt. It would be fun to teach kids and to encourage others to give judo a try. I hope to continue practicing judo for many years to come.  Just like the ladies at Soko Joshi.

*Update* In the summer of 2012, two American women judo players won medals!  Kayla Harrison of Ohio won gold and Marti Malloy from San Jose State took the bronze.  Kayla is the first American female to win a gold in judo.  Our dojo was fortunate to have Marti give a judo clinic there a few years back. 

Bronze medalist Marti Malloy and me

*Update*  Sadly, on February 9, 2013 Fukuda Sensei passed away.  She was two months shy of her 100th birthday.  Her kata expertise and her beautiful smile will be missed.  Her motto was: Be Strong, Be Gentle, Be Beautiful.  She was indeed all of those things.

Keiko Fukuda 1913-2013

 

 



*Update*  Lori and I, and four others were promoted to Shodan in December 2013.  I am thrilled to join the ranks of first degree black belt.  There is still a lot more to learn about judo.  It truly is a life-long pursuit.  I am almost fifty now.  I am inspired by those judoka who are older than me and still practicing.

The Battle of Fire-Breathing Dragons

There’s a whole lot of name-calling going on, or “flaming“ taking place. What happened to respectful conversation between two people or groups? Did it ever exist? From what we see today, politicians throwing mud and insults at each other, angry people taking to the streets destroying property over who knows what anymore, baseball, soccer and football fans being assaulted or killed for supporting the “wrong“ team, it’s hard to imagine anything different. It’s hard to imagine a friendly debate or discussion of current events anymore. Our elected leaders insult and degrade other leaders as well as mock those who put them in office for disagreeing with their policies or simply being a member of the other party. This is what we see. This is what our young people see as examples of leadership.

Money talks, more than it should. We all know the saying “The love of money is the root of all types of evil.“ The more you have, the more you can control those politicians, media, industries etc. that you want to control. Money can give a lot of power to a few who get to use wisely or squander a nation’s supply of tax money. Those powers can pit different socio-economic groups against each other by making one out to be the bad guy and planting seeds of resentment in the other. A company or organization who refuses to donate to certain special interest groups will pay dearly once the name-calling and boycotts start up and sponsorships are yanked away. Now, the individual has the right to go to a certain store or restaurant that they like. If that store supports an organization the individual disagrees with, that individual has the right to stop going there. But hey, someone else might like what that store supports and keeps going there. Or perhaps they really just like the food there. We live in America. We have choices and the freedom to exercise those choices. Those stores, restaurants and businesses can do what they wish with the money that they make. That’s the great part of living here. You can support them or boycott them. It’s your choice. The trouble though starts when certain groups or individuals think that everyone should have the same opinion as them, and they start hurling insults or snubbing those who have a different opinion. Group A doesn’t support or donate to Cause D so they are labeled bigots, haters, xenophobes, ostrophobes, nanophobes, right-wingers, left-wingers, idiots, etc. Many people don’t like being called names, so often times it shuts them up right quick. It certainly doesn’t help that some groups think that public embarrassment, harassment, nasty phone calls, grafitti, and video postings of getting right up in your face to challenge you are great ways to let the disagreeing party know their opinion is WRONG. These practices, unfortunately are not really classified under today’s catch phrase of “bullying”. Yes, bullying is wrong, but bullying in order to change someone else’s belief system or values is also wrong. I respect your opinion. I like hearing your opinion. I may not agree with your opinion, but I respect your right to have it. Shouldn’t that work both ways? Can we discuss things in a civilized manner?

How does a parent teach a child that it’s okay to have his own opinion, that he should stand up for his beliefs, even though those beliefs could get him ostracized, beat up or even killed. Does a parent teach a child to follow the crowd and just agree with whichever opinion is the most popular or politically correct so he isn’t called a hater, narrow-minded, ignorant, etc. or made an “example of” at school by administrators because someone cried foul? Or should he be told that he should just keep his mouth shut when it comes to certain controversial issues. Will he risk losing friends and being excluded by some groups of people by having a different opinion or belief, one that is faith-based? Will I? Probably. Why are some opinions and beliefs today okay to have while others are not? I really don’t know the answer to that, but I do know who I have to answer to in the end in regard to myself and my children.